The Grindstone

I thought I didn't hear clearly when he asked if I was having sex with my partner. I laughed hard and asked him to repeat the question. With impunity, he did! Now, why in the world would an acquaintance or anyone in the world, apart from my gynecologist ask such an intrusive personal question? 

The world has become a global village, where we interact freely with people from all corners of the earth and in different languages via the virtual media and face-to-face, but the advent of technological breakthroughs should not erode our consideration for other people. Rather, it should enhance our knowledge of cultural differences and how to respect them. 

On this blog, we’d continue our chat about etiquette. We’d be talking about everyday things we do or say that are inconsiderate or outside the sphere of proper etiquette. Let’s dig in.

1. Don’t ask a couple dating when they are getting married. If they wanted you to know, don’t you think they’d tell you before the D-day?

2. Don’t ask a couple what’s happening in their relationship unless you’re their paid shrink and asking that in the consulting room.

3. Never ask a couple when they’re having kids. It swings this way; if they’re having challenges with conception, you’d only hurt their feelings and put pressure on them. If they are not in a hurry to have kids, you’d be viewed as nosey.

4. Don’t ask anyone if they’re still virgins unless they proffer that information or your life is dependent on it. 

5. I shouldn't be saying this, because I assume everyone should know, but then again, maybe not everyone knows. If someone doesn't approach you for intimate advice, drop the urge to nose about their intimate business. This includes questions about their sex life, finances, emotions, you name it. Guess the response I gave the guy who asked if I was having sex? You bet! ‘Get off my business please. Thanks!’ That’s surely what you’d get too, so please save yourself some embarrassment and buzz off those areas.

6. If your friends are going through a bad patch in their marriage or relationship, please, no matter how well-meaning, it isn't the right time to say ‘I told you so’ or rehash all the negative things about the other partner. All you can do is offer an ear and a shoulder.

7. Gossip can be juicy; I know, but great people don’t gossip about people. They talk about dreams, ideas and how to become truly successful. If your friends are gossips, it’s time for some real self-examination. Remember what Mama says about birds of a feather flocking together?

8. A lady doesn't flaunt her knowledge or make people feel inferior around her. She is graceful at all times and speaks in well-modulated tones, even to people who are in a different social status. A lady isn't snobbish or rude. Neither does she play to the gallery or suck up to people too.

9. When in company or playing hostess, please try not to look bored or yawn. It makes your guests rather uncomfortable and gives them the feeling that they've overstayed their welcome. A good hostess carefully selects her guests to ensure that her party is a huge success, especially in terms of lively and healthy conversations. Your smile and warmth must be visible until you bid the last guest ‘goodnight’.

10. Ladies, please avoid announcing to the world that you’re flying a ‘red flag’. That’s a private business between you and your spouse/partner and should be kept that way.

11. If you ever find yourself dissatisfied with the services of a waiter or the quality of food in a restaurant, please avoid venting on the waiter or raising your voice for other guests to know what’s happening. Politely ask to speak to the manager and air your ill feelings. If you’re still not satisfied with the way the matter has been handled, do stop patronizing that business. You don’t need to lose your finesse in order to make a point. Remember, your image, once soiled takes much more than a trip to the Laundromat to restore it.

12. Building your image is a conscious decision and action. There may be days when you make mistakes, but with determination and constant learning, you’d be able to sell your personal brand anywhere as a real lady or gentleman; who people would look up to. Make it fun all the way and enjoy the ride.